It’s crazy the directions life can go. I had a pretty busy weekend, with many ups and downs. I drove to New York for a track meet where on Friday night, I ran the 2 mile, and on Saturday, the 1 mile. In the car, with my mom, on the way down, it was a lot of fun and I was really excited. That night, I didn’t race very well and became catatonic, wanting to quit and not have to deal with failure anymore. The next day, beaten down and with very low confidence, I came back to run my fastest 1 mile ever and things completely turned around. I hate that so much of my confidence and view of life is based off of my running achievements right now, I was two different people between these two days. I am glad though that I was able to turn things around because I was now able to look back positively on the overall weekend. Unfortunately, that night, instead of celebration, again, things went back downhill. The same coach who I have had issues with in the past over too much racing, completely overlooked my accomplishment and instead is demanding maximum racing from me in our upcoming meets. It’s frustrating to have to deal with this season after season but I’ve finally decided that I’m not caving in. She’s calling me selfish but she has used and abused me so much and I’m sick of it! It’s unfortunate that my last season can’t just be totally positive but I’m going to do what I need to do. I think as it should be, the end of my senior year has felt like such a roller coaster and it has made me even more excited for next year and all of the change.
Life May 14, 2013